How does “The Tao of Badass” recommend men handle discussions about the future in a relationship?
In “The Tao of Badass” by Joshua Pellicer, discussions about the future in a relationship are handled with a focus on maintaining confidence, emotional leadership, and being mindful of timing. Pellicer emphasizes that men should navigate these conversations with care to avoid coming across as needy or insecure, while also steering the relationship in a healthy direction. Here’s how he recommends men handle these discussions:
1. Be Calm and Confident
Pellicer advises men to approach discussions about the future with calm confidence. A man who seems overly anxious or eager when talking about future plans may appear insecure, which can weaken attraction. Instead, he encourages men to project confidence by talking about the future in a way that reflects certainty in their own desires, while also respecting the other person’s feelings and pace.
2. Avoid Forcing the Conversation
Timing is crucial when discussing the future, according to Pellicer. He stresses that men should not push or rush these conversations too early in the relationship. Forcing a discussion about commitment, marriage, or long-term goals prematurely can make the other person feel pressured, which could lead to discomfort or distancing. Instead, Pellicer recommends allowing these conversations to evolve naturally as the relationship progresses.
3. Lead the Conversation Gently
As a man, Pellicer believes it’s important to take the lead in the relationship, including in discussions about the future. However, he suggests leading gently, by subtly introducing the topic rather than jumping straight into heavy commitments. For example, instead of asking for a formal commitment immediately, you might bring up future plans in a more casual context, such as, “It would be fun to take a trip together next summer.” This opens the door to future discussions without creating pressure.
4. Frame the Conversation Around Positivity
Pellicer encourages men to frame future discussions in a positive and optimistic way. Instead of focusing on fears, insecurities, or uncertainties, he advises framing the conversation around shared goals, exciting possibilities, and mutual benefits. For instance, you might talk about how you both complement each other and what kind of future you could create together. This keeps the conversation uplifting rather than anxiety-inducing.
5. Be Attuned to Her Reactions
A key part of handling future discussions, according to Pellicer, is being attuned to the woman’s reactions. If she seems hesitant or uncomfortable, it’s important not to push further. Pellicer suggests pulling back slightly and giving her space to process the conversation. He advises men to pay attention to her body language and verbal cues to gauge how she feels about the topic and adjust accordingly.
6. Encourage Open Communication
While it’s important to lead the conversation, Pellicer also advocates for encouraging open communication. This means creating an environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and desires for the future without fear of judgment. Pellicer suggests asking open-ended questions that invite her to share her feelings about the relationship’s direction, which allows for a more balanced and collaborative discussion.
7. Stay Detached from Specific Outcomes
Pellicer teaches the importance of remaining somewhat detached from specific outcomes when discussing the future. He explains that being too focused on a particular outcome—such as marriage or moving in together—can create unnecessary pressure. Instead, he recommends focusing on the present connection and trusting that the future will unfold naturally. By showing that you’re open to different possibilities, you come across as relaxed and in control, which is more attractive.
8. Build a Strong Foundation First
Before diving into serious discussions about the future, Pellicer emphasizes the need to build a strong foundation in the relationship. He advises that men should focus on deepening emotional intimacy, trust, and shared experiences before addressing long-term plans. Without this foundation, future discussions may feel premature or forced, leading to discomfort.
9. Express Your Own Desires Without Being Overbearing
Pellicer encourages men to express their own desires for the future, but in a way that doesn’t seem overbearing or demanding. He suggests sharing your personal goals and dreams, but framing them as something you are working toward independently. This shows that you have your own life and ambitions, which is attractive, while also allowing her to see how she might fit into those future plans.
In summary, “The Tao of Badass” recommends handling discussions about the future in a relationship with confidence, patience, and emotional intelligence. Pellicer advises leading the conversation gently, being mindful of timing, and creating a positive, open atmosphere where both partners can express their desires without pressure. This approach helps the relationship grow naturally while maintaining attraction and emotional connection.
