How does the program recommend handling a situation where the “hero instinct” is not activated?
When the “hero instinct” is not activated in a relationship, the program His Secret Obsession by James Bauer offers several strategies to address the situation. The goal is to reignite the instinct by making the man feel needed, respected, and valued, thereby improving the emotional connection and overall health of the relationship. Here’s how the program recommends handling this situation:
1. Reframe How You Ask for Help
If the hero instinct is not activated, one of the first steps is to reframe how you ask for help or support. Instead of handling everything on your own or making requests in a way that feels obligatory, try to approach your partner in a manner that emphasizes his unique strengths. For example, instead of saying, “I need you to do this,” you could say, “I would really appreciate your help with this because you’re so good at it.” This subtle shift makes him feel that his contributions are important and valued, which can help trigger the hero instinct.
2. Show Appreciation and Respect
The program emphasizes the importance of showing consistent appreciation and respect, especially if the hero instinct seems dormant. Begin by actively noticing and acknowledging the things your partner does, no matter how small. Expressing gratitude for these efforts helps reinforce his sense of value. Additionally, showing respect for his decisions, opinions, and individuality can rekindle the hero instinct by making him feel trusted and admired. This respect should be genuine and specific, focusing on qualities or actions that you truly appreciate.
3. Create Opportunities for Him to Shine
Sometimes, the hero instinct is not activated simply because there are few opportunities for it to be triggered. The program suggests creating scenarios where your partner can take the lead or showcase his strengths. This might involve asking for his input on a significant decision, letting him take charge of planning an event, or turning to him for advice in a challenging situation. These opportunities allow him to step into a role where he feels needed and competent, which can help reactivate the hero instinct.
4. Encourage and Support His Goals
Supporting your partner’s personal goals and ambitions can also help activate the hero instinct. When he feels that you believe in his potential and are genuinely interested in his aspirations, it can boost his confidence and make him feel more valued. Encouraging him to pursue his goals, offering your support, and celebrating his achievements together can create a dynamic where he feels motivated to contribute positively to the relationship.
5. Communicate Openly About Your Needs
Clear and open communication is essential when the hero instinct is not activated. Instead of letting frustration build up, the program recommends having an honest conversation with your partner about your needs and desires in the relationship. This discussion should be framed positively, focusing on how you both can work together to enhance the relationship. By expressing your needs in a way that makes him feel capable of meeting them, you can encourage him to step up and engage more actively.
6. Reignite Physical and Emotional Intimacy
Physical and emotional intimacy are key elements in activating the hero instinct. If the relationship has become distant or routine, the program suggests taking steps to reignite intimacy. This could involve small gestures of affection, spending quality time together, or engaging in deep, meaningful conversations. By rebuilding this connection, you create an environment where the hero instinct is more likely to be activated as he feels more emotionally engaged and connected to you.
7. Practice Patience and Understanding
The program advises practicing patience and understanding when working to activate the hero instinct. If the instinct has been dormant for a while, it may take time for it to reawaken fully. Consistently applying the strategies mentioned—such as showing appreciation, creating opportunities for him to take the lead, and supporting his goals—will gradually encourage him to re-engage. It’s important to remain supportive and avoid pressuring him, as this could lead to resistance or withdrawal.
8. Reflect on the Relationship Dynamic
Finally, the program encourages self-reflection on the overall relationship dynamic. Consider whether there are patterns or behaviors that might be unintentionally stifling his hero instinct. For example, if you tend to take on all responsibilities or make decisions unilaterally, it might leave little room for him to step into a protective or supportive role. By adjusting the dynamic to allow more balance, you can create an environment where the hero instinct can flourish.
Conclusion
When the hero instinct is not activated in a relationship, the program His Secret Obsession recommends a multifaceted approach that includes reframing requests for help, showing appreciation and respect, creating opportunities for him to shine, encouraging and supporting his goals, communicating openly, reigniting intimacy, practicing patience, and reflecting on the relationship dynamic. By applying these strategies, you can help reawaken the hero instinct, leading to a more fulfilling and connected relationship where both partners feel valued and engaged.
